Information for partners
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The partner support programme offers a comprehensive service for the partners or ex-partners of the men who have been accepted for the counselling programme. We provide support by post, telephone support and one-to-one counselling, offering safety planning, information, advice and support. We will contact you when your partner comes to see us, if he is accepted for counselling, if/when he starts, and if he quits. We might ask you for feedback at a later date. For more information about the support the Partner Support Project could offer you click here
Domestic violence includes emotional, verbal, physical, financial and/ or sexual abuse between adults who are or have been in a relationship together, or between family members, regardless of gender or sexuality. You may not recognise that you are experiencing domestic violence, especially if you are experiencing emotional abuse. Reading the following list may help you to identify if you are experiencing abuse.
Your partner may abuse you by:
- Insulting you by calling you names or criticising your appearance or identity
- Criticising you and putting you down
- Isolatingyou from friends and/or family by criticising them, telling you that you cannot see them, making you move to a different area
- Blaming you for every argument, problem and /or his violent behaviour
- Humiliating you in the home and /or in public
- Denying or minimising his violent or abusive behaviour by saying it wasn?t that bad, it is normal or that you have imagined the assault
- Controlling you - telling you what to wear, manipulating you, coercing you, sulking, using silence in order to get you to do what he wants.
- Harass you by following you, checking your mobile phone, mail, internet use
- Threatening or intimidating you or threatening to hurt members of your family, pets or himself
- Physically hurting you by hitting, shoving, pushing, poking, strangling or slapping you or through violence that does not leave visible injuries such as hair pulling, throwing things at or around you, choking you or smothering you.
- Sexually abusing or harassing you - your partner may use threats, intimidation, coercive behaviour and or physical force to make you have sex with him or perform sexual acts.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
He says I am to blame for his violence. Is he right?
No. Although many men blame their partners for their violence, we at Everyman Project believe that a man is solely responsible for his violent or abusive behaviour.
We believe that you are in no way causing his behaviour.
We also believe violence and abuse are not acceptable.
Everyone has personal difficulties in life, but this never justifies, in our opinion, the use of violence or abuse.
As he is the only one who is responsible for his violence, he is the only person who can change his violence.
Although you may have already made changes in an effort to avoid his violence, you won't be able to stop your partner's violence: Only he can do that.
He alone is responsible for his violence and he alone can stop it.
If I can't stop his violence, what can I do?
What you can do is think about how you can best help yourself look after your own safety, and the safety of your children or others who may be affected by his violence.
How can I look after my family's and my safety?
You don't have to do this on your own, and you don't have to leave home or go into a refuge to get help. Help is at hand, as close as your telephone. Listed below are some organisations that can offer you information, advice, and support, on the telephone.
What help is there specifically for women at risk of DV?
- National Domestic Violence Helpline - 0808 2000 247
24 hour FREEPHONE helpline run by Women's Aid and Refuge - provides refuge, information, and counselling for victims of d.v.
- National Centre for Domestic Violence - 08709 220704
www.ncdv.co.uk provide fast, free injunctions, and legal advice.
What if my children are at risk of violence or abuse?
- National Child Protection Helpline (NSPCC) - 0800 800 500
- Parentline Plus - 0808 800 2222 Offers support for parents.
- The Hideout - provides help, information and interactive support for children and young people affected by domestic violence.
What help is there for older people at risk of abuse?
- Elder Abuse Response - 0808 808 8141
I am a man at risk of d.v. Where can I ring for help?
- Mankind Initiative Helpline - 01823 334244
I feel vulnerable. Where can I get emotional support?
- Victim Support - 0845 303 0900 Confidential free practical and emotional support for victims of crime and witnesses in court.
- Careline Helpline - 0208 514 1177 Confidential telephone counselling on any issue. Offers an extensive nation-wide referral.
- Samaritans - 0207 734 2800 For anyone contemplating suicide.
- Relateline - 0845 130 4010 For help with relationship problems.
- EVERYMAN PROJECT Helpline - 0207 263 8884 For anyone concerned about a man's violence.
- Divorce Aid - help for people going through separation/divorce issues.
- Shelter - Shelter's free housing advice helpline 0808 8004444
Shelter is a housing and homeless charity
How can I use the law to help increase our safety?
Domestic Violence is a crime. Your local police Community Safety Unit should be able to help you. Look for your local Community Safety Unit at www.met.police.uk/csu/index.htm
In an emergency, ring the police on 999.
A solicitor can offer legal advice and help get a court order, such as a non-molestation order, occupation order, or non-harassment order, which may carry the power of arrest. For legal help, ring
- Legal Help in Violent Episodes (L.I.V.E.) - 0207 928 0500 For help in finding a solicitor, ring
- Community Legal Services - 0845 608 1122
How can my GP help me increase our safety?
Your GP can document any injuries.
Your GP may be able to provide you with counselling.
Your GP can refer to social services if children need protection.
How can I get out of harm's way in an emergency?
Plan where you can go: A neighbour's, relative's, or friend's house?
Find a safe place to keep a packed bag, maybe outside the house.
Put in the bag:
- An extra set of keys for your house and car.
- Some cash (Try to set some money aside.) Also, chequebook, bankcards, and/or building society book.
- Important telephone numbers and addresses.
- Spare clothes for you and your children, and children's toys.
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