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Self Help Strategies

How can I stop being violent and abusive?

Become aware of your alarm bells and use "Time out" when your alarm bells ring.

Although it may seem so, people don't just suddenly snap. There is always a build-up of energy before an outbreak of violence. Become aware of your Warning Signs of the build-up towards violence.

Become aware of your alarm bells

Picture of man contemplating choices and alarm bells warning of violence and abuse

Early Choices

Move out
Get counselling
Cease intoxicants
Phone the EP Helpline
Talk to a friend
Reduce stress in your life
Don’t get tired or hungry
Avoid risky situations

Late Choices

Take Time Out
Leave the room/house
Go for a walk
Phone a friend
Listen to music
Do relaxation exercise
Work at your hobby
Do ordinary chores

Emergency Choices

Sit down on your hands
Keep hands in pockets
Keep 6 feet away
Count down from 10
Practise slow, deep breathing
Concentrate on the ground

Alarm Bells could be:


Fast breathing or heartbeat
Tension in neck or shoulders
Clenching jaws or fists
Getting hot, Sweaty palms
Energy rising to head
Stomach churning


Feeling frustrated, angry, misunderstood, criticised, unappreciated, unloved, disregarded, disrespected, useless, like nobody, etc.

Irrational thoughts

Here we go again!
How dare you do/say that!
You always do/say this!
I’ll show you!
You can’t do that to me!

Vocal / Behavioural

Shouting, Swearing, Insulting Aggressive tone, Criticising, Threatening, Menacing, Standing over, Intimidating, Pointing, Raising fists.

Once you become aware of your alarm bells and the choices you make there are strategies you can use to change your behaviour - click below to see more

Time out

The 6 feet Rule

Deep Breathing Techniques

Grounding Techniques

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