Information for men seeking help

Information for men seeking help

Have you ever felt or said any of the following?

  • "When I get angry I just can’t control myself."
  • "Well you’ve got to stand up for yourself, haven’t you, otherwise they walk all over you."
  • "I don’t really hit her, not really, not often. I just get fed up with the arguments."
  • "I don’t know, a few drinks and things just get a bit out of hand."
  • "I don’t know what she means. I’ve never hit her. I just pushed her and she fell over."
  • "It’s all very well for you to talk about being violent – you don’t know what I have to put up with."

Is your partner, or are your friends, afraid of you? | Are you afraid of yourself? | Are things getting out of control?

At EVERYMAN PROJECT, men are helped to learn to understand their angry thoughts and feelings, and to control their violent and/or abusive behaviours.

What are violence and abuse?At EVERYMAN PROJECT, we believe that violence or abuse is any act that hurts someone else, or forces another person to do what YOU want, but THEY DON’T. From intimidating, to pushing, to slapping, to punching, to beating up, to mental cruelty, to rape.

Why should I stop being violent or abusive?
Because if violence or abuse gets you what you want at all, its only in the short term. Because it doesn’t get you loved, or trusted, or happy. It only gets you feared. People do things because they fear people, true, but there are ways to get your needs met that don’t require the use of violence or abuse, and the damage they do. Or the pain of having to pick up the pieces afterwards.

Where does violence come from?
Good question! Men are more violent than women. We, as men, are brought up to accept violence, and even admire it in a way, (Rambo, Terminator etc.) How easily we are prepared to be violent or abusive, or how violent or abusive we get, varies a lot, and this is generally caused by social conditioning based on our experiences in the family and society in which we grew up. At EVERYMAN PROJECT, we help men understand their history and patterns of violence/abuse, and we help them start changing some of the decisions that underlie their violent or abusive behaviour.

Am I violent or abusive?

If you have to ask that question, the answer is probably yes.

Do I really need help in changing my behaviour?

Ask yourself how your behaviour has affected the following:

  • Your partner and/or ex-partners? Your relationships with them?
  • Your children? Your relationships with them?
  • Your parents, brothers, sisters, and other relatives? Your relationships with them?
  • Your friends, including lost friends and strained relationships?
  • Your work relationships, including jobs lost or jeopardised?
  • Other people who aren’t family or friends?
  • Your health and physical well being, including stress related illnesses/problems and physical discomfort from anger reactions?
  • Your physical safety, including dangerous driving, fights, hurting yourself by hitting things, legal problems, etc.?
  • Your financial situation, including bad decisions made in anger, things broken or damaged, accidents from lack of due care, jobs lost, etc.?
  • Your spiritual well being, when your behaviour goes against your personal code of ethics or sense of right and wrong?

Changing is hard. It is harder on your own. And it takes time. Some men have found participation in our counselling programme helpful in changing old attitudes and habits.

How can I apply to the counselling programme?

  • Phone the office on 0207 263 8884 and leave your name and address and we will send you an application form and further information. If there is no one to answer your call leave a message on the anwserphone leaving your name and address.
  • How much will I have to pay?
    The fee for the assessment session is 35.00, low-waged 25.00, 15.00 concessions. The fee for the 29 succeeding counselling sessions will be individually negotiated, based on your income. The minimum concessionary fee is 10.00 per counselling session; the maximum fee is 50.00 per session.

    (The fees for agency referrals are 50.00 for the assessment and 50.00 per counselling session.)

As an Accredited Service of BACP we are bound by its Ethical Framework for the Counselling Professions.