Testimonials from previous participants in the Everyman Project counselling programme I'll start by saying that I'm aware I've still got a long way to go but I think I've made some progress since I started. When I joined the program t think I had this idea that Roger would put some kind of helmet on my head with lots of electrodes and nine months later I'd have no anger problems. I've realised recently that I'm going to have to constantly commit to changing my behaviour probably for the rest of my life. Nine months ago my main concern was that I would physically hurt my children or verbally abuse them to the extent where they would never feel at ease in my company. Having been on the end of that kind of behaviour from my father when I was a child and having then experienced a very difficult relationship with him that lasted until he died, I was very keen on behaving differently so that my relationship with my children would be better. I'm currently quite confident that in future I am less likely to hurt or abuse my children. This confidence comes from realising at a deep level my importance in their lives, the damage that my abuse does to their lives and to my life and also from realising that when I'm with them I need to take a responsible role which includes empathising with them and interacting with them as well as recognising how much control I can reasonably exert upon them. Of course this realisation is a result in part of the exercises I've done while on the program and I'm quite sure that my children will benefit greatly from the work and support of the Everyman councillors and also of course the group members. I said I was concerned for my children when I began but I actually had no awareness of how my behaviour was damaging my relationship with my partner. We came very close to splitting up and my opinion now is that a great deal of the problems that my partner and I experienced were down to my behaviour and since I've started to show more concern for her, again by trying to empathise, the quality of my relationship has improved a great deal. Something I've come to accept is the belief that I am responsible for making myself angry. And because I tend to believe that, I'm much more eager to use techniques to calm down, in the way I would use Paracetamol to get rid of a headache, rather than expect the world to conform to my wishes and trying change things by force. Of those techniques the most helpful I've learnt have been to show empathy, to name my feelings, to focus on my breathing and to keep a logbook of times I've become angry. I've found also that showing empathy when I'm not angry has improved the quality of both my home life and my working life. So finally I'd like to thank Roger and Paul and Norman for the support I've had since I joined this program. I'd thank Noel and Andy if they were here too, and also everyone that makes the project possible - I believe this program has been of great benefit to me and my family and I'm deeply grateful for the help I've had. I've attended many courses but this is certainly to my mind the most important. Of course I'd also like to thank the other members of the group. The one-to-one sessions were illuminating but I felt the group had a much more dramatic effect on my behaviour, both because I had to admit my behaviour in public and because I was able to see how similar my predicament was to the other members and hear time and again how to change that behaviour by taking responsibility and showing empathy. Two weeks ago Roger said, if I understood correctly, that he thought EMP helped people to grow up and I think I've certainly recognised that I need to change my behaviour in ways I hadn't imagined nine months ago but changing that behaviour may turn out to be a life's work. (back) Wow what a learning curve this has been. Since starting the Everyman Project my life has changed for the better- having completed 13 weeks counselling with Joshua and then 16 weeks in the groups, it has changed my life for ever - no going back to my old ways. (read more) When I first came for my assessment on the 10th of February, I was desperately trying to save a relationship.Since starting my one-to-one sessions, and during my time attending this group, I have come to realise that the relationship I needed to save was the one that I have with myself. I now realise that I was very unhappy in my relationship with my ex-partner. However, I lacked the confidence and the skills to communicate this to her. I became more isolated, more vulnerable and more needy as I tried to deal with the situation. (read more) I started attending everyman last march after I finally acknowledged that I had the ability to become abusive, aggressive and violent with my partner. When I started my one on one sessions with the counsellor I used to struggle with taking full responsibility for my actions. I used to justify my behaviour by holding my partner responsible for her part in it. After a lifetime of avoiding responsibility I found this concept very difficult to grasp. Several weeks in, the counsellor would still be chipping away at my inability to except that my action are my responsibility and mine alone. The counsellor had started my brain ticking on this matter but it was only when I started the group sessions that the penny dropped. This for me was a huge milestone and changing point in my life. I now understand what it means to be responsible for my actions and this alone has benefited me greatly. (read more) When I referred myself to Everyman project; I was at a very low point in my life; afraid of what I may do in relation to my violent and abusive behaviour which I had been struggling with and was struggling with. Every time I had been abusive I had told myself and my ex partner this was the last time; but somehow it would happen again. What was the trigger why could I not be "normal" I desperately wanted to be like other men who were not explosive and temperamental. I was helpless trapped. It was when I was at my GP that I saw a small card on the notice board advertising the services of Everyman project. I have always described this as the moment as a miracle. The afternoon after seeing this flyer I referred myself to Everyman project and since then I have become more and more aware of the issues around my abusive behaviour. (read more) I came to Everyman on the advice of my wife after a very distressing time. Life had been on a collision course for a long time, with me finding it uncomfortable to put up with a number of her habits and attitudes. I had been indicating my dissatisfaction to her in many ineffective ways, without effectively articulating my feelings and fears. The one to one sessions were a difficult time for me, but to understand some of my outbursts, and the reason for them. (read more) Introduction: Lose myself or discover who I am and what I'm really made of - this was the question I remember asking myself and with the help of my girlfriend at the time I took the first step and came for my evaluation in February 2006 soon after my abusive father died leaving me with a hundred unanswered questions. I remember crying because of how low, bad, worthless I felt after each time I lost it be it at home or because of my job or the guy that cut me up driving etc. (read more)